5930 —העיקר והטפל בבחירת שידוך, ודחיית הנסיעה לארץ הקודש בשנה זו

B"H, 17 Kislev, 5718
Brooklyn.

Brachah v'Shalom!

In reply to your letter of 15 Kislev, in which you write about shidduchim that have been suggested.

As far as I know the Temimim students^[1], and as I also told your father, may he live long and well, there are many among the students about whom one can think and take an interest in this matter. I therefore do not understand why it is necessary to go looking in another place.

It is understood that just as no human beings are utterly perfect, for only One is utterly perfect, and that is the Holy One, blessed be He, so too among the students people can find that something is lacking in perfection. But, as said, all people are so, and nevertheless people marry and are afterwards happy, with true happiness. And if in all things one looks first at the essential and afterwards at the secondary, I do not believe that in the matter of a shidduch, which concerns your whole life, one should overlook the essential altogether and begin the examination (test) with the secondary of the secondary^[2], and perhaps with what is even less than that.

As to the thought of traveling this year to the Holy Land, may it be built and established: without going into the idea itself, it is precisely in this year, when the freethinkers make of such a trip a matter of "my strength and the might of my hand have gotten me"^[3], that, if you have not traveled until now, I do not believe you need to add strength to this by traveling just now.

And for your birthday on the coming Shabbos Kodesh, may G‑d help you to have a year of success in all matters, and with a truly good shidduch at the fitting time.

I hope that the Nshei uBnos Chabad of ...^[4] too will make use of the bright day of Yud-Tes Kislev^[5] in a fitting way, on that very day or in the days near it, and may G‑d grant them success.

With blessing.

Notes

1. The Temimim students (תלמידי התמימים): The students of the Tomchei Temimim Lubavitch yeshivah.

2. The secondary of the secondary (טפל דטפל): The most marginal details. In weighing a shidduch one looks first at what is essential, and a match is not ruled out for a lack in something marginal.

3. "My strength and the might of my hand have gotten me" (כחי ועוצם ידי עשה לי): Devarim 8:17, "And you will say in your heart, 'My strength and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth'": the pride that credits success to human strength rather than to G‑d. Apparently the reference is to this year, 5718, the tenth anniversary of the founding of the State, in which the freethinkers made the trip to the Holy Land a display of national pride. Therefore, if one has not gone until now, there is no need to lend that strength by going precisely now.

4. The Nshei uBnos Chabad of ... (נשי ובנות חב"ד פון...): The name of the place is omitted in the printed Igros.

5. Yud-Tes Kislev (י"ט כסלו): The day of the Alter Rebbe's release from imprisonment in Petersburg in 5559 (1798), which our Rebbeim called the Rosh Hashanah of Chassidus (Hayom Yom, 19 Kislev).

Summary

Since only G‑d is perfect, a shidduch is weighed first by what is essential and not by the smallest details. A trip that others have turned into a show of "my own strength" is better deferred, and the coming days of Yud-Tes Kislev are to be put to good use.