5957 —עיכוב בשידוך מפני שאין החלטה אמיתית לבנות בית על יסודי התורה, וצדקה להכנסת כלה ותפלה בכל יום

B"H, 29 Kislev, 5718
Brooklyn.

Blessing and peace!

In reply to your letter of 16/12^[1], in which you write that several times matches have been proposed to you, but when the matter comes close to completion nothing comes of it, and you ask the reason for this and what you should do.

Now most often this is because there is no true decision to build the Jewish home after the wedding on the foundations of the Torah and mitzvah; and therefore G‑d, may He be blessed and exalted, waits a while longer^[2], that perhaps meanwhile the truth will be recognized in its full truth: that it is essential that the marriage and the life after it be on the foundations of our Torah, the Torah of life. It is understood that the main thing in this is keeping the statutes and laws of family purity, Shabbos, kashrus of food, etc. And when you decide on this truly and with the necessary firmness, that even if there are some difficulties you will conduct yourself as befits a daughter of Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah^[3], G‑d, may He be blessed, will provide you with the match that is good for you.

But in order to hasten the blessing, you should set aside every weekday morning a few francs^[4] for hachnasas kallah^[5], for poor brides, and also say some prayer, Shema Yisrael or the like^[6]; and if you cannot say the prayer in the Holy Tongue, you may say it in the language you understand^[7].

With blessing for good news,

In the name of the Rebbe shlita,

Secretary

P.S.

In my secretariat they do not write French, and therefore the reply comes in the Holy Tongue; but you may continue to write in French in the future, since I read this language.

Notes

1. 16/12: 16 December 1957, 23 Kislev 5718.

2. Waits a while longer (מחכה עוד זמן): The delay is not a rejection but a waiting from Above, to give time for the true decision to build the home on the foundations of the Torah; when she resolves on this firmly, the delay will be removed.

3. A daughter of Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah (בת שרה רבקה רחל ולאה): As a daughter of the Matriarchs, the model for Jewish women in building a Jewish home.

4. Francs (פראנק): The recipient wrote in French, as the postscript makes clear.

5. Hachnasas kallah (הכנסת כלה): Providing for a bride; one of the things "whose fruits a person eats in this world while the principal remains for him in the World to Come," as in the morning blessings. This charity is especially fitting for one awaiting her own match.

6. Or the like (וכיו"ב): וכיוצא בזה.

7. In the language you understand (בשפה שהיא מבינה): After Sotah 7:1: "These may be said in any language", among them the Shema and prayer.

Summary

A young woman asks why her matches keep falling through just before completion. The Rebbe's secretariat answers that often the true decision to build the home on Torah foundations, above all family purity, Shabbos and kashrus, is missing, and G‑d waits for it; once she resolves firmly to live as a daughter of the Matriarchs, her match will come. To hasten it she should give a few francs each weekday morning for poor brides and say a prayer, in French if need be; and she may keep writing in French, since the Rebbe reads it.