6781 —בן יחיד שנעשה עצמאי יותר מדי: השפעת חברים, ולימוד החסידות של האב

B"H, 21 Adar II^[1], 5719
Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In reply to your letter of Tuesday, in which you write about your son, may he live long^[2], who has become too independent, etc.

Surely you know that, to our sorrow, this is a common occurrence with children who are given special care (for whatever reason), and especially when it concerns an only son, who cannot help feeling that his distress is being taken into account, etc.

And I think I have already written that, in addition to the parents' efforts to reduce this phenomenon, the influence of friends is much more successful and effective – direct influence, and even more so indirect influence, when he sees that their conduct is according to the Torah and mitzvah, etc. This influence can come from his friends in the class in which he studies, from friends with whom he plays, or whose homes he visits. And surely the doctor whom you consult about this will also advise you all of the above. May it be G‑d's will that you succeed in all this as well, so that in addition to success in improving your son's health physically, there will also be an improvement spiritually.

I hope – although you do not mention it in your letters – that you have fixed times for studying the inner dimension of the Torah, which has been revealed in our generations in the teachings of Chassidus; for I think we have spoken about this^[3] several times, about how very greatly necessary it is, especially in our times and in this country, and particularly when one needs an additional blessing from G‑d, may He be blessed, that He bestow His influence on the revealed powers of the soul and on the inner core of the soul of the son, who is "the leg of his father"^[4]. And there is nothing that stands in the way of the will.

With respect and with blessing for good news^[5] in all the above.

Notes

1. 21 Adar II (כ"א אד"ש): אד"ש = אדר שני, Adar II. 21 Adar II 5719 was Tuesday, 31 March 1959.

2. May he live long (שליט"א): שליט"א = שיחי' לאורך ימים טובים אמן, "may he live for long and good days, amen".

3. We have spoken about this (שוחחנו עד"ז): עד"ז = על דבר זה, "about this".

4. The son, who is "the leg of his father" (ברא כרעא דאבוה): השי"ת = השם יתברך. A son is like his father's leg, a limb of his body. As the Gemara says, Eruvin 70b: יורש כרעיה דאבוה הוא, "an heir is the leg of his father"; and Tosafos, Yevamos 3a (s.v. Mikamei): שהבן כרעיה דאבוה הוא, "for a son is the leg of his father". Since the son is like a limb of his father, the father's study of the inner dimension of the Torah draws blessing also into the revealed powers and the inner core of the son's soul.

5. Good news (בשו"ט): בשו"ט = בשורות טובות.

Summary

To a father worried that his only son, who is under a doctor's care, has become too independent, the Rebbe writes that the influence of friends, especially indirect influence through their Torah conduct, does far more than the parents' efforts. He hopes the father has fixed times for studying Chassidus, the inner dimension of the Torah: since a son is "the leg of his father", this draws blessing into the son's soul as well.