021 - הִלְכוֹת אִסּוּרֵי בִּיאָה פֵּרֶק כא

Laws of Issurei Bi'ah, Chapter 21

1. Anyone who is intimate with one of the arayos short of relations (derech eivarim), or who embraced and kissed out of desire and took pleasure in physical closeness, receives lashes by Torah law, as it says, "לְבִלְתִּי עֲשׂוֹת מֵחֻקּוֹת הַתּוֹעֵבֹת" ("so as not to do any of the abominable customs," Vayikra 18:30), and it says, "לֹא תִקְרְבוּ לְגַלּוֹת עֶרְוָה" ("you shall not come near to uncover nakedness," Vayikra 18:6), meaning: you shall not come near things that lead to uncovering nakedness.

2. One who does any of these practices is under suspicion regarding the arayos. It is forbidden for a person to signal with his hands or feet or to hint with his eyes to one of the arayos, or likewise to joke with her or behave lightheadedly. Even to smell perfume that is on her or to gaze at her beauty is forbidden, and one who intends this receives lashes for rebelliousness (makas mardus). One who looks even at a woman's little finger, intending to take pleasure, is like one who looked at the private place. Even to listen to the voice of an ervah or to see her hair is forbidden.

3. All these things are forbidden also with women forbidden by a negative commandment. It is permitted to look at the face of an unmarried woman and to examine her, whether a virgin or not, to see whether she is pleasing in his eyes so that he may marry her; there is no aspect of prohibition in this, and moreover it is proper to do so. But he may not look in a promiscuous way, for it says, "בְּרִית, כָּרַתִּי לְעֵינָי; וּמָה אֶתְבּוֹנֵן, עַל-בְּתוּלָה" ("I made a covenant with my eyes; how then shall I gaze upon a maiden?" Iyov 31:1).

4. A man is permitted to look at his wife when she is a niddah, even though she is an ervah and even though he has pleasure of heart in seeing her; since she will be permitted to him later, he does not come to stumble through this. But he may not joke or behave lightheadedly with her, lest he become accustomed to sin.

5. It is forbidden to have a woman serve one at all, whether an adult or a young girl, whether a maidservant or a freedwoman, lest he come to improper thoughts. What kind of service did they mean? Such as washing his face, hands and feet, making the bed in his presence, and pouring his cup, for only a man's wife does these things for him. And one does not inquire after a woman's welfare at all, even through a messenger.

6. One who embraces or kisses one of the arayos about whom a person's heart does not trouble him, such as his grown sister, his mother's sister and the like, even though there is no desire or pleasure at all, this is extremely unseemly. It is forbidden and is the conduct of fools, for one does not come close to an ervah at all, whether grown or young, except a mother with her son and a father with his daughter.

7. How so? A father is permitted to embrace and kiss his daughter, and she may sleep next to him, and likewise a mother with her son, as long as they are small. Once they have grown, and the son has become mature and the daughter has become mature, as it says, "שָׁדַיִם נָכֹנוּ וּשְׂעָרֵךְ צִמֵּחַ" (the signs of maturity, Yechezkel 16:7), each one sleeps in his or her own clothes. If the daughter was embarrassed to stand undressed before her father, or she married, and likewise if the mother was embarrassed to stand undressed before her son, even though they are young, once they have reached the point of feeling embarrassed in front of them, they sleep with them only in their clothes.

8. Women who engage with one another in lesbian conduct: this is forbidden, and it is of the practices of Egypt about which we were warned, as it says, "כְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ-מִצְרַיִם . . . לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ" ("like the practices of the land of Egypt . . . you shall not do," Vayikra 18:3). The Sages said: What did they do? A man would marry a man, a woman would marry a woman, and a woman would marry two men. Even though this act is forbidden, we do not give lashes for it, for it has no specific negative commandment and there is no relations here at all. Therefore they do not become forbidden to the kehunah on account of zenus, and a woman does not become forbidden to her husband through this, for this is not zenus. It is proper to give them lashes for rebelliousness, since they did something forbidden. A man should be strict with his wife in this matter, and keep women known for this from coming in to her and keep her from going out to them.

9. A man's wife is permitted to him. Therefore whatever a man wishes to do with his wife he may do: he may have relations whenever he wishes, kiss any part of her body he wishes, and be with her in the usual manner or not in the usual manner, or in intimacy short of relations. Nevertheless, it is the way of the pious that a person should not be lightheaded about this and should sanctify himself at the time of relations, as we explained in Hilchos De'os; and he should not depart from the way of the world and its custom, for this matter is only in order to be fruitful and multiply.

10. It is forbidden for a person to have marital relations by the light of a lamp. If it was Friday night, and he had no other room, and the lamp was burning, he may not have relations at all. Likewise it is forbidden for a Jew to have marital relations by day, for that is brazenness. If he was a Torah scholar, who will not be drawn after this, he may darken the room with his tallis and have relations; but one resorts to this only out of great need. The way of holiness is to have relations in the middle of the night.

11. The Sages are displeased with one who is excessive in marital relations, who is constantly with his wife like a rooster; he is highly blemished, and this is the conduct of the uneducated. Rather, whoever limits marital relations is praiseworthy, provided he does not neglect his conjugal duty (onah) except with his wife's consent. The original enactment that those who had a seminal emission should not read the Torah until they immerse was made only to limit marital relations.

12. Likewise the Sages forbade a person to have marital relations while his heart is thinking of another woman. He may not have relations in drunkenness, or in the midst of a quarrel, or in hatred; he may not be with her against her will while she is afraid of him; nor when one of them is under a ban; nor may he be with her after he has decided in his heart to divorce her. If he did so, the children will not be worthy: some will be brazen, and some will be rebels and sinners.

13. Likewise the Sages said that the children born of any of these are the rebels and sinners whom the sufferings of exile sift out: a brazen woman who demands relations aloud, one who seduces a woman by promising marriage, one who intended to be with his wife Rachel and was with his wife Leah, and a woman who did not wait three months after her husband, so that the child is of doubtful parentage.

14. It is forbidden for a man to be with his wife in the marketplaces and the streets, or in gardens and orchards, but only in a dwelling, so that it not look like zenus and they not accustom themselves to zenus. One who has relations with his wife in these places receives lashes for rebelliousness. So too one who betroths through relations, one who betroths in the marketplace, and one who betroths without prior arrangement (shidduch) receives lashes for rebelliousness.

15. A traveler (achsenai) is forbidden marital relations until he returns home. Likewise the Sages forbade a man to live in his father-in-law's house, for this is brazenness; and he should not enter the bathhouse with him.

16. Likewise a person should not enter the bathhouse with his father, or with his sister's husband, or with his student; but if he needed his student, he may enter with him. There are places where the custom is that two brothers do not enter the bathhouse together.

17. Daughters of Israel may not walk in the marketplace with their heads uncovered, whether unmarried or married. A woman may not walk in the marketplace with her son walking behind her; this is a decree, lest they seize her son and she go after him to bring him back, and the wicked men who seized him abuse her in mockery.

18. It is forbidden to emit seed in vain. Therefore a man may not "thresh inside and winnow outside," nor may he marry a minor girl who cannot bear children. As for those who "commit adultery with the hand" and emit seed, not only is this a grave prohibition, but one who does this is as if under a ban; and of them it says, "יְדֵיכֶם, דָּמִים מָלֵאוּ" ("your hands are full of blood," Yeshayahu 1:15), and it is as if they had killed a person.

19. Likewise it is forbidden for a person to deliberately arouse himself or to bring himself to improper thoughts. Rather, if such a thought comes to him, he should turn his heart away from words of vanity and destruction and turn to words of Torah, which is "אַיֶּלֶת אֲהָבִים, וְיַעֲלַת-חֵן" ("a beloved hind and a graceful gazelle," Mishlei 5:19). Therefore it is forbidden for a person to sleep on his back, face upward, unless he leans slightly to the side, so that he not come to arousal.

20. He should not look at animals, beasts or birds at the time they mate, male with female. Those who breed animals are permitted to guide them together, because they are occupied with their work and will not come to improper thoughts.

21. Likewise it is forbidden for a person to look at women while they stand at the laundry, and it is even forbidden to look at the colored garments of a woman he knows, lest he come to improper thoughts.

22. One who encounters a woman in the marketplace may not walk behind her, but should hurry and move her to the side or behind him; anyone who walks in the marketplace behind a woman is among the lightest of the unlearned. A person may not pass by the door of a promiscuous woman without keeping four cubits away, as it says, "אַל-תִּקְרַב, אֶל-פֶּתַח בֵּיתָהּ" ("do not come near the door of her house," Mishlei 5:8).

23. It is forbidden for one who is unmarried to put his hand to his private parts, lest he come to improper thoughts; even below his navel a person should not put his hand, lest he come to improper thoughts. When he urinates he should not hold the organ, lest he come to improper thoughts; if he is married, it is permitted. Whether married or unmarried, he should not reach for the organ at all except when he needs to relieve himself.

24. The early pious men and the greatest of the Sages: one of them boasted that he had never looked at his own circumcision, and among them was one who boasted that he had never gazed at his wife's form, because his heart was turned away from words of vanity to words of truth, which take hold of the heart of the holy.

25. It is a commandment of the Sages that a person marry off his sons and daughters close to their time of maturity, for if he leaves them, they will come to zenus or improper thoughts; and of this it says, "וּפָקַדְתָּ נָוְךָ, וְלֹא תֶחֱטָא" ("and you shall visit your home and not sin," Iyov 5:24). It is forbidden to marry a woman to a minor boy, for this is like zenus.

26. A man may not remain without a wife, nor may he marry a barren woman or an old woman who cannot bear children; a woman has the option never to marry, or to marry a man who cannot father children or a saris. A young man should not marry an old woman, and an old man should not marry a young woman, for this leads to zenus.

27. Likewise one who divorced his wife after nisuin: she may not live with him in the same courtyard, lest they come to zenus. If he was a kohen, she may not live with him in the same alley; and a small village is judged like an alley. If she has a loan owed to her by him, she appoints a messenger to claim it; and a divorcee who comes with the man who divorced her to court, we place them under a ban or give them lashes for rebelliousness. If she was divorced from eirusin, she is permitted to bring a claim against him in court and to live near him; but if he is familiar with her, even after eirusin it is forbidden. Who moves away from whom? She moves away from him; but if the courtyard was hers, he moves away from her.

28. It is forbidden for a man to marry a woman intending to divorce her, as it says, "אַל-תַּחֲרֹשׁ עַל-רֵעֲךָ רָעָה; וְהוּא-יוֹשֵׁב לָבֶטַח אִתָּךְ" ("do not devise evil against your fellow, when he dwells securely with you," Mishlei 3:29). If he informed her at the outset that he was marrying her for a limited time, it is permitted.

29. A man should not marry one wife in this country and another wife in another country, lest as time goes on it turn out that a son marries his sister, his mother's sister, his father's sister or the like, without knowing it. If he was a great man whose name is known, whose offspring are famous and known, this is permitted.

30. A person should not marry a woman from a family of metzora'im or from a family of epileptics, provided it was established three times that their children come to this.

31. A woman who married two men, and they died, may not marry a third. If she did marry, she need not leave; and even if she was only betrothed, he may complete the marriage. A Yisrael who is unlearned should not marry a daughter of a kohen, for this is like a profanation of the offspring of Aharon. If he did marry her, the Sages said that their union will not turn out well: he will die without children, or he or she will die soon, or there will be strife between them. But a Torah scholar who married a daughter of a kohen, this is fine and praiseworthy: Torah and kehunah together.

32. A person should not marry the daughter of an unlearned man, for if he dies or goes into exile, his children will be unlearned, since their mother does not know the crown of the Torah. Nor should he marry off his daughter to an unlearned man, for whoever gives his daughter to an unlearned man is like one who bound her and placed her before a lion: he strikes and has relations, and has no shame. A person should always sell all he has and marry the daughter of a Torah scholar, for if he dies or goes into exile, his children will be Torah scholars; and likewise he should marry off his daughter to a Torah scholar, for there is nothing unseemly and no quarreling in the home of a Torah scholar.