Shidduchim – Age and age differences

שידוכים – גיל והפרשי גיל

On age in shidduchim, the Rebbe's guidance:

A large age gap between partners is not required, according to Chazal (IK 2042), and age differences are not always significant in themselves. What matters is whether a feeling of closeness grows over time; if it does, it will likely keep improving (IK 6889).

Where there is a large age difference, or the other side is older than usual, look into it carefully, including why the match was delayed, before deciding (IK 8038, 8234). Examine one's own motives honestly; if outside considerations are not driving the decision, one can proceed with confidence (IK 10494).

For young women, there is no need to rush. In one letter the Rebbe advised patience, putting a young woman's growth and education first before thinking about engagement (IK 7197).

Shiurim in this topic

1539. Marriage Arrangements, Name Customs, and Torah Study Guidance for an Avrech סידורי נישואין, מנהגי שמות, והדרכה בלימוד תורה לאברך

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1623. Age for Marriage, Selling a Sefer Torah, and Spelling of Daka גיל לחופה, מכירת ספר תורה, ואיות דכא

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2042. Advice on Age Differences in Shidduchim עצה על חילוקי גיל בשידוכים

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6889. Marriage Proposal, Age Differences, and Personal Feelings הצעת נישואין, חילוקי גיל, ורגשות אישיים

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6999. Guidance for Influencing a Brother Attending Harmful Gatherings הדרכה להשפעה על אח המבקר באסיפות מזיקות

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7197. On Writing After Yud Shevat and Guidance Regarding a Daughter's Shidduch על כתיבה לאחר י' שבט והדרכה בנוגע לשידוך בתו